Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
