life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I met the friendliest cop last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
