I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
