Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got chris browned last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
