I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
