I hate all girls vehemently.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
