two words: eviction party
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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