I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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