she smelled like a LAN party
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize