Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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