I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
