ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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