He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drake has all the answers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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