apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
