You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Randomize
