Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
