How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
