Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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