She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Randomize
