He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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