ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize