i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
