I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
