my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
