My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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