I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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