We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you bring me the toilet please
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
