i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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