Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
