So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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