weddingsv make me drug and hornr
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
