That's intense
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
