the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
