I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize