You really coming over, don't trick.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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