I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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