Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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