In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize