And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
