I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
