If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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