Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
