there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
