I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
