he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
