She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
