Fine. I'll sleep in my office
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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