I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
