thus making me awesome and them whores
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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