a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
