people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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