you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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