my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
