You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
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