forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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