Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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