I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize