do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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