Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
where are my eyebrows?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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