Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
