Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
