Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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