I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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