just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Pooping to opera.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
