Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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