do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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