When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
