found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How does one acquire holy water?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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