I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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