I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
