But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
