I must be too annoying 4 u.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
