I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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