If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
